Bravery or stupidity?

OMG OMG OMG! I did something very brave today. Extremely ballsy for me, considering I'm the type of person to sit back and wait for life to happen rather than go out and make it happen. All my past relationships have been from the man pursuing me. Almost every job I've had, the employer inquired about me before I even knew I wanted a job. These things just happen, and I go with the flow. No matter where it takes me. But not today!

I baked him a batch of cookies! This time they were basically the same as the previous oatmeal raisins. I didn't want to be redundant, but its what he said he wanted. So to make it different, I put dark chocolate chips in instead of the raisins. (they were amazing, I highly recommend trying this recipe out) And inside the container, I put a hallmark card. OMG! Can you beleive it? It may not sound like much, but its very unusual for me to do something to show someone any vulnerability or emotion. I addressed the envelope in a way that wouldn't make sense to you guys without explaining a little about him and his job, but I did put Mr. Hansom (and then the rest that wouldn't make sense). And I actually had the guts to give it to him!

I was on my way to the ladies' room to fix my hair in preperation of seeing him, when I ran into him in the hallway. He made small talk about how much he liked my jacket (leather riding gear since I had just gotten off of my bike... I can't beleive I looked so crappy). And I said kind of casually, like I had just remembered "Oh! I have something for you." The way I said it was not fitting at all for the situation. Anyway, I opened my backpack, and retreived the goods. After I handed it over he said "I would hug you if there weren't these other students watching". My face turned immediately red, I bit my lip, and made some excuse to walk away. Why do I always do that? I think I pretty much left him standing there in the hallway.

I ran to the bathroom, and talked to myself outloud about what had just happened. It was like shoppers remorse. You know, like when you buy a new Coach bag that you can't afford, cause its so pretty and smells so nice and leathery? Then you get in your car and feel a little nausaus? Thats how I felt... times a million! So I don't know if it was a mistake. We'll see I suppose. I kinda don't ever wanna have to face him again. Ugh... I'm so silly!