I think I've hit a speed bump...

Life can be so complicated and confusing!!! Thats the part where real adults (because I'm still a kid, regardless of age), smirk and think how cute it is that I'm figuring out the ways of the real world.



Life isn't fair. I HATED hearing my mother repeat that to me as a child. Almost like her mantra. Anytime I complained about anything. Now I almost seem to be repeating it to myself. Just so I'll remember that I'm not owed anything in life and that things don't always work out like a Meg Ryan movie. And that is one of my biggest problems. I expect a magical, fairy tale ending in real life. Everyone knows that doesn't happen.



Anyway, I'll try to get to the point of my bitching. I'd like to mention here though that I really enjoy having this blog to vent. I love the wonderful advice you guys give, and having sympathetic ears. And also hearing that I'm not in this alone. So many other people experiencing the bumps in the road of life.

So Cookie Professor is divorced. He has two children, I beleive they are 7 and 11... or something around there. I have never met his family, we are not there yet. But he just informed me that is ex wife has MS. Which until today, I knew nothing about. He said its flaring up and he is now making arrangements to take care of his children, and eventually, her. What a terrifying thing for a family to have to cope with! I can't even fathom how scary that must be for him... even more scary for her... and how complicated and difficult that will be for their children to have to grow up with. Apparently multiple sclerosis affects the central nervous system and can make you loose control of body functions. On the bright side, its not fatal.

I don't know where things are going to lead with Cookie Professor and me. Between all his jobs and his family, he already barely has time to squeeze me in. And I'm being really selfish here by saying that at a time like this. He says his life can't be this complex forever, and that I am a huge help and stress releif for him. So at least he still wants me around. But where do I fit in? Its too soon to ask that question, but I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to waste my time with someone who is unavailable. I feel extremely selfish saying any of that.

So, even though you don't know the family, please pray for her and her children. Every prayer helps! And I promise to try to start blogging happier...

New Years resolutions...

This is my second favorite picture of the holiday season. The first is too inappropriate to post on here. Unfortunately. We'll just say, it was a texted Christmas card of sorts, which I named the Christmas Moon. But this one is Rusty. Who has turned out to be one of the best friends a girl could have. He attends MMI with me, and is my neighbor. If you can't tell, our hats have elf ears...
Anyway...Yup. You read it right. Its about that time. And if you aren't thinking about it already, you better start thinking about thinking about it. Did that make sense?

I don't always make one. Really. Its an old tradition, but one with good intentions. We should all work on bettering ourselves. (unless you are a smart, sexy, funny, cookie loving motorcycle mechanic teacher, of course. In which case, you can't improve perfection)

Did you know....according to studies (thank you wiki!) only 12% of participants in said study were actually successful with their changes one year after making a resolution. And honestly, thats a better stat than I expected. Wow.

I am an over acheiver. (Ha! Can you feel the sarcasm?) So this year I will make not just one resolution, but a whole list. To make up for all the prior New Years that have passed without a second thought of a promise. So here we go...in no particular order:

1. Take more responsibility for my actions. Don't make excuses for myself. There isn't much in the world that gets under my skin more than being in an argument with someone who says in a facicious tone of voice "Yeah, because GOD knows YOU could NEVER be WRONG!". Ugh! But mostly because I don't want that person to think I really feel that way. Because I actually believe I'm wrong most of the time. I just have to learn to admit and accept it.

2. Stop writing rediculously long run on sentences in my blogs.

3. Blog more.

4. Sleep more.

5. Eat healthier. Perhaps in combination with getting off my fat butt and EXCERSIZING!

6. Call my mother more often. I know at this point in her life she needs me more than ever. Sometimes I feel like a bad daughter. At least she knows I love her.

7. Start a cribbage club in my neighborhood. Everyone loves to play, even if they don't know it yet. And it would be a great way to relax and bond with my neighbors and fellow students.

8. Stop flirting with smart, funny, sexy cookie loving motorcycle mechanic teachers. Knowing him has been a dream come true. It really has. We have so much in common. And I adore our time together. The problem is, we don't get time together. He is a workaholic. And between class and my job, and the fact that we can't be seen together, we just never get a chance to even sit down for coffee. And it seems that we've come to a point in our relationship, friendship, whateveryouwannacallitship, where we have to change something. Either give up and walk away, or make an effort to be together. Maybe I'm being an impatient, needy young girl. But I can't change who I am and what I want. Now for the hard part....telling him that!

So thats it. My eight resolutions. The main ones. Now I want to know, what are yours?

Home for the holidays!

Like most students, I am out of school for the week. Hooray! And, thanks to a friend loning me their car, I was able to come home for Christmas. I arrived Saturday afternoon.

For my welcoming, my mother decided to cook me a home made dinner! She was trying to decide between blackened chicken and chicken pot pie. Instead she combined the two and blackened the chicken pot pie. We set off the fire alarm in the apartment building three seperate times. Welcome home! I bet our neighbors love us!

Tonight is Honey's birthday. And we are having a big to-do! My mom made a homemade cake, and wrapped her some presents. She's making us another delicious dinner and all the family who are in town are coming over for the celebration. Did I mention that Honey is a DOG!!! Although my mother would never tell you that. My mom calls Honey my sister. And I'm sure someday when I have children, she will be their aunt. WOW is all I have to say... WOW.

And for a romantic update, things with Mr Cookie Monster are progressing wonderfully. He's so sweet and funny and strong and hansom and perfect. (can you see my pupils shaping into little hearts yet) He calls me adorable pet names and sometimes we have breakfast dates at 5 am because we have to really struggle to find time to spend together. But the struggle is more than worth it. I am soooooooooooooooooo happy to even have the opportunity to get to know him better and spend this time together. YAY!

Happy Holidays to you and your quirky families as well! May you eat more cookies than any human should and all your Christmas wishes come true!!!

I got my first B in school :o(

So I'm almost done with what they call Motorcycle Training Program. Which is pretty insignificant. But it does mean that I start my Harley Davidson specific electives in a mere two and a half weeks! Yay! The good news is, that in the past four weeks, I haven't repeted any of the following mistakes: worn my school uniform shirt inside out for the entire day, fallen asleep sitting standing or driving, sat on the floor pouting because I couldn't change an ATV tire, pinched a tire tube, slept through my alarm, been caught texting in class, tucked my work shirt into my pants AND UNDERWEAR, attempted to install exhaust backwards, run out of gas, and last, but most importantly, lost a writing untensil inside my motor! So I think I'm doing pretty good lately!

And the best news of all is that my dad is coming to visit! He is a misfit, like me. So he, myself, and some fellow misfits from school are having our own strange get-together at my tiny apartment. I don't even own a dining set. So we will be enjoying our Thanksgiving supper on a fold up card table covered in a white table clothe and served on cheap IKEA dishes. It should be a holiday to remember!

By the way....I know I haven't updated about this lately....and I think its cause I'm so nervous. Can I say this outloud? I really wanna shout it from the rooftops, but I know I can't. I feel confined, and forced to be muted. Which is so unlike me. I'm loud and energetic. So this is the only forum I have to say this....cover your ears, this might be kinda loud. MR COOKIE PROFESSOR KISSED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, Happy Holidays, everyone. Till next time....

Somehow I just grew some balls.

This is big news! I baked some more cookies. Which means... I have another recipe to share! And this is the best one yet. I can't believe this is actually happening to me! Okay... I made homemade fortune cookies. The recipe only makes six. And only three were successful. Inside one I put a note that said "For future cookie orders..." and another I wrote "or just to stay in touch" and in the last one only had my phone number! OMG thats so brave! So here's how you make them.

Make Your Own Fortune Cookies

1 egg white
1/8 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 pinch salt
1/4 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 cup white sugar

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Butter a cookie sheet at least in the two sections you will use. Write some ballsy fortunes on sheets of paper about 4 inches long and maybe 1/2 inch wide.

Mix the egg white and vanilla until foamy but not stiff. Sift the flour, salt, and sugar and blend into the egg white mixture.

This is where it gets tough. Gotta have the right touch. Place two teaspoonfuls pretty far apart on buttered cookie sheet. Then kinda tap it and manipute the dough into discs about 3 inches in diameter.

Bake for 5 minutes. Pull them out and have the fortunes prepared. Use a wide spatula to pry one up, and put it upside down on a flat surface. Put a fortune in the middle, and fold it in half. Then use the side of your measuring cup to fold it in half again on the flat side. Then place it in an egg carton so it will retain its shape until its cooled. Be quick about it so you can get to the next before it cools. They harden quickly. Only do as many at a time as you can shape. Just depends on how quick your hands are.




AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED??? He actually used the phone number. Only a few hours after I gave him the cookies. I slyly slid into his room during class and left them on his desk. Then later I got a text message. OMG. I freaked out. He said my cookies were amazing, just like me. EEK! He thinks I'm amazing. Long story short, we texted for a while. And he asked if I do private cookie baking tutoring. I'm so excited and nervous. This kind of stuff doesn't happen in real life. I can't beleive he actually likes me. This is amazing. Too good to be true. My head is spinning. I don't even know what to say. The english language doesn't have words that can articulate how I feel right now. I'll post more later when I'm calmer.

Some days are harder than others.

I just wanted to say that I'm still alive. Its been a strange couple of weeks here. The weather is finally changing. I think we're done with the 90 degree days here. And no matter where you are or when the season change happens, the transition from warm, beautiful days to cold and gray ones always changes peoples emotions. Some people tend to get more sensitive and needy where as other get reclusive and sad. Personally, I'm the cuddly cold weather type. But its strange how people want relationships more this time of year. Whether it be friendships or more.

But this year for me its extra strange. I'm broke beyond belief. My cell phone got cut off for the first time in my whole life. I've never been this desperate before. And the guy who is my best friend here at school is now saying he has 'feelings' for me. Why do people have to go and ruin something really good? I probably wouldn't have if I was intoxicated at the time, but I told him the truth. I told him that he's a nice guy and that I love our time together, but that I have a silly school girl crush on someone else. I could never date him when what I really want is Mr Cookie Professor. Which is ridiculously silly, because its never going to happen. But I couldn't really be with anyone right now, because my heart wouldn't be completely theirs. I don't know why I feel such a connection to Mr Cookie Professor, but I do. If I go a few days without seeing him, I start wondering why I'm being so silly. But as soon as he smiles at me with those sexy mushy lips, I melt. Girls are so silly.

Speaking of him, I saw him today. He stopped me when I was riding away from school. So I stopped and turned my bike off to talk to him for a minute. He called me his sugar mama. A little joke from my last gift. It was the first time maybe ever that we've had a conversation without anyone around. He said he did put that sugar to use. He said he tried to make a cake, but baking just isn't his forte. He said he'd keep trying to make me something. I think I might make him something this afternoon, if I do I'll post more about that later, including recipe as usual.

Anyway, the worst part of all is being so poor. But I guess that's part of being in college. My best friend is having a c section on Saturday. She really wants me to come home for the weekend and take care of her daughter while she's in the hospital and meet the new baby boy. And I want to more than anything. But I just can't afford it. And it makes me want to cry. I haven't even told her yet. I'm holding out hoping that something will come up and I'll be able to go. But logically, I know its not going to happen. And I really need to tell her. But I don't know how. I really feel like I need to be there for her. I always have been. And she's always been there for me. Its bad enough that I moved 550 miles away. Now I can't even be around for the birth of her baby?

Sometimes I just wonder what I'm doing here. I'm sad and alone and broke. I have no car, no real local friends and a crappy job. The only thing going for me is that I'm still doing okay in school. And I have to remember that's really why I'm here. I'm paying $30,000 in tuition to do this, so I have to finish. And I better be good at it! I don't mean to be depressing. I'll get over this funk. Maybe its just the blustery, gloomy weather. Now I have to ride to work and hope it doesn't rain!

Confession...

I kissed a boy. On halloween. A boy that wasn't Mr Cookie Professor. Its kind of weird. I was annebriated. He goes to school with me. I didn't even see it coming. But aparently he did. I don't know quite what to think or say about it. I guess I really don't even know how to feel about it. I'm not the kind of girl that just goes around getting drunk and making out with her friends. Anyway... more on that to come after I've had time to think.